To my expectations, I was met with a lot of shock when I decided to cut my hair and transition from long and permed to short and natural. I thank those people who supported me in my decision, but I also feel the need to explain why I made this decision to those who had doubts or were not supportive. *PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS MY PERSONAL TESTIMONY AND THAT I'M NOT JUDGING ANYONE OR LOOKING DOWN ON ANYONE WHO MAY NOT SHARE THESE SAME VIEWS.* THANKS ;-)
The first reason that I decided to undergo such a drastic change in my hair was because I was faced with a major identity crisis that I needed to resolve. For most of my life, I have been conditioned to believe that long straight hair was beautiful, and that I needed to do all that I could to achieve this "beauty." When I really thought about this ideal, I thought about how there is so much self-hatred in our race that stemmed from the psychological deterioration of slavery. We were conditioned to believe that white was better, and those slaves who had "white" features were treated better than other slaves. The myth of having "good-hair" has been reverberated throughout our culture, and I simply had enough of it. European culture had been oppressed on our people for so long, that it's really all that we knew. I saw it as a slap in God's face for me to continue to press, perm, and put all type of chemicals in my hair when he created me just the way he wanted me. I know that some people would argue that pressing and perming our hair is just to make it more manageable, but hey, maybe it wasn't meant to be managed lol. My nappy hair is a signature of my uniqueness. I realize that I was unconciously unsatisfied with the way that God made me, and I was trying to be someone that I wasn't.
Being someone that I wasn't was also something that I examined which caused me to do away with my tracks and extensions. Now for most of my friends who will read this, you all know that I was the Queen of Weave lol. I wore weave so much that I could figure out new ways to put it in, style it.... shoot I could even cut and curl synthetic hair (yes, I said curl!) As I began to seek God more, I realized that I relied on this false hair to make myself beautiful. The hair was a sign of insecurity. I wore weave for most of my life, but recently I noticed that it had become a necessity in my life and I felt incomplete without it. The Bible states that long hair is glorious, but I was only relying on that type of glory alone and lacked confidence in my glory as a woman of God, and was also so focused on achieving my own glory that God wasn't being glorified (That oughta preach lol). What I mean is that I would spend much time and money on my hair--time and money that could go towards building the kingdom of God. I also felt that I need to spend more time working on improving my spirit and building myself on the word of God than improving my physical appearance. It does no good if you look good but you're sinking in sin (come on somebody!) The Bible says that if your right hand causes you to sin cut if off... I came to the conclusion to let the light of my virtue shine from the glory of God that is within me before I focus on outer adornment.
I also saw cutting my hair as a cleansing process. In Leviticus 14:8-9 God gives instructions to men and women who had leprosy to shave their heads during their cleansing. I believe that this is a season in my life where God is purging me of the filth and guile that had been stored throughout the years. Those strands had been in places they shouldn't have, done things that shouldn't have been done, said things that shouldn't have been said, so I decided to cast them away giving me a new beginning. Though I may fall short many times after this point, this is a spiritual cleansing for me, and I can feel a change on the inside.
I also noticed that I've had so many different hairstyles that people hardly knew who I was whenever I would change my hair lol. I thought that this was me being creative, but God revealed to me that it was a sign of inconsistency, uncertainty, and chaos going on in my spirit. Deep? I know right! I need to be grounded in my Word and not allow outside influences to sway me. I need to be like that tree planted and not able to be uprooted. This is not to say that I'm going to keep my hair one way forever--of course not, I'm a stylista (That's a word I made up to say that I love to style my hair lol). I'm just going to focus on those inconsistencies, uncertainties, and chaos and cause them to come into alignment of with the Word of God.
God is continuously giving me revelation regarding my hair; it seems like every morning there is something new that I learn about myself or about my decision to cut my hair. I was uncomfortable with showing my friends at first, but thank you Jalessa, Tierra, La'Ren, Crystal, and others who gave me that extra boost of confidence to to walk boldly as a BEAUTIFUL, BLACK, WOMAN OF GOD. I'm not suggesting that everyone make this decision; it really takes much prayer, and maybe God is not saying the same to you. Maybe your issue is not your hair, but something else that needs to be surrendered to God. All I know is that I am excited about the woman that God is equipping me to be!
